Do we have “true-to-self” and “false-to-self” goals, motives, and ambitions? For example, a man might have been happy and successful if he had followed his true-to-self ambition and decided to become a mechanic. Instead, pride may have induced him to become a lawyer, and he may have become unhappy in trying to fit himself into what was for him an artificial pattern.
This does not mean that it is better to be a mechanic than a lawyer. It might have been better for this particular individual: more in line with his interests and abilities. As our interests change, it might be desirable for us to change our occupations. One might spend part of his life as a mechanic and part as a lawyer. It is perhaps unfortunate that we become so specialized in our occupations that by middle age we function like cogs in a machine.
As individuals, we are more important than the things we do. The occupational badge that is pinned on us does not describe us accurately, or do justice to our total personalities. One may be a lawyer, for example, but in being a fair-minded human being, one has attained a dignity that is more important.
Is the most reliable “true-to-self” motive love? Do we do monstrous things to our personalities when we renounce that drive, or try to suppress it? Does a pursuit of power, instead of love, cramp our style of life? Does it sometimes place us in petty and personal conflict with others? Do we choke off our better impulses when we select less comprehensive goals?
We may pity or dislike the miser or arrogant person, because we feel that somewhere along the line they have been false to their “true-to-self goals.” They have made some unwise decisions, and have failed to develop higher potentialities and the ability to like people. We would perhaps pity such people the more if we saw them in terms of the better self that they rejected, or were forced to renounce because of adverse circumstances. We may be overlooking much of the goodness in them hidden from us and also hidden from their awareness. Their faults may talk in louder voices than their virtues.
Are children quick to detect when an individual has turned his back on his better self? Are children sometimes difficult to deceive? Are they quick to detect phony pride and the absence of genuine affection?
We like people who know us and encourage us to follow our true-to-self motives and ambitions. They bolster us against many of life’s petty frustrations and defeats. They lead us to discover that we are free to choose wholesome and productive goals.
If we are going to establish constructive goals, and build them into our personalities, life has to make sense to us. For example, it may be difficult to discover a wholesome course of action in a trying predicament. We may be stymied by events. We may feel that, no matter what we do, things are going to turn out wrong. We may not have the imagination to say, “If I do this, I can predict that things will turn out all right.” We may rail in protest against the way things are lined up against us. That is our way of showing that we don’t understand what is taking place, and we do not know what to do about it.
The ability to see cause-and-effect relationships, and to imagine and act upon hopeful assumptions, is highly desirable. We need to know how to act so as to predict desirable consequences. For example, if I say, “I am miserable,” it may imply that I can see no way out of my misery. However, if I say, “I am miserable at this moment because I am lonely,” I may see a causal relationship between my misery and my loneliness. This realization may suggest a constructive course of action. If I look at the total situation in which I am involved, I become aware of more than my subjective feelings. I come to realize that if I seek the company of others, I can predict that my misery will be relieved.
Feelings of friendliness and self-confidence are more rare than feelings of hostility and distrust.
In social situations, it is also important to recognize cause-and-effect relationships. If we know how to handle people, we can frequently change an undesirable and hostile relationship into a profitable and friendly one.
And the relationship between groups, such as nations, can be changed from hostile to friendly, depending on how well cause~ and-effect relationships are understood in the specific and immediate situations that confront us. A realistic appraisal of the total situation makes choice or free will possible.