Learning is not restricted to acquiring information about the world in which we live and how people behave, important as such information may be. There is a learning process on another level— learning how to change our behavior as situations require change. We can learn to handle social situations more effectively than we did in the past. We can learn to want to do something we never wanted to do before.
For example, a hostile individual may not have learned how to want to be more friendly, except with those few people who think as he thinks. He may have an idea that being friendly and playing fair with others simply does not pay. He may develop amazingly logical and convincing arguments to prove that he is right, and present an impressive array of “facts” to back up his views. The more deeply he is convinced by his “reasoning,” the more difficulty he may have in changing over to a less hostile attitude.
He has certainly learned something of value when he discovers that friendly actions toward outsiders are more wholesome than hostile ones, and changes his behavior accordingly.
The same is true of the fearful person who adopts a more courageous outlook on life, or the discouraged individual who adopts a more optimistic and energetic view. If the change in life style is drastic, it may resemble a conversion.
In general, we classify some individuals as “incapable of learning,” and others as “capable of learning.” However, when we consider actual individuals (as well as how we classify them in our minds), we find that an individual may be more open to new ideas at one time than at another. On one occasion he may say, “I wish you wouldn’t come around with new ideas when I am busy or upset.” On another occasion he might say, “How fascinating! Tell me more.”
There may be a “good time” and a “poor time” to make suggestions or to teach. Some occasions are far better for these purposes than others. For example, we should not try to improve a person when we are angry at him, or when he is angry at us. At such times, our advice goes in one ear and out the other.